Whipped
by WanderingAround
Summary: Whipped. adj. : A term used to refer to a person who is being ultimately controlled by their partner in a relationship. AU.
1. First Impressions

Disclaimer: Yeah, I own Naruto. In this dream I had once.

**Whipped**

**Chapter One: First Impressions**

It was a beautiful day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Naruto was hating every single moment of it.

"Ero-sennin, isn't it time for a break already?" he panted, bringing a dirtied arm over his eyes to try to block out the glare of the late morning sun. Various kunai and shuriken were scattered amongst the training grounds, and already Naruto had every ache and pain known to mankind.

To top it all off, he was sweating like a pig and didn't even get the chance to indulge in his customary eight-cups-of-ramen-before-training-meal. Evidently, Kami wasn't on his side today. He turned around to grace the sannin with a glare that would have made most people with a healthy amount of survival instincts run for it, but the toad sage remained almost painfully oblivious.

Jiraiya was perched on a large boulder and was currently scribbling on a very long manuscript, obviously a long-awaited sequel to a certain silver-haired jounin's favorite X-rated book.

"Oh, hell no. You mean to tell me I've been working my ass off for, oh I don't know, _eight_ hours, just so you could work on your pervy books? You said you'd be supervising me!" Naruto exclaimed.

Contemplating a particularly juicy scene, Jiraiya pondered out loud with his eyes staring dreamily up in space, with an expression that was slightly disturbing for a fifty-something man to have. Indeed, lecherous grins and the occasional girlish giggle did not bode well with his orange-clad apprentice.

". . .and he roamed his hands up and down his companion's womanly sides, whilst casting her a dark and lustful look that would have made any self-respecting woman melt in his muscular arms. Tilting her chin up, he utterly ravaged her mouth while flicking his tongue into her moist cavern that had her whimpering in ecstasy. . ."

"Oh, that's good!" Jiraiya practically shouted, earning him a half-amused, half-exasperated glare from Naruto.

"Surely there is no end to my manly imagination!" he snickered, eventually laughing roguishly. "Haha, ladies, come get me!"

*Crickets chirping*

Jiraiya gave an audible cough and looked down at Naruto, who was currently tapping his foot impatiently, arms crossed with a look that would have made Orochimaru toss in his grave.

"Eh? Why the long face, puny and hormonally-deprived apprentice?"

"Nothing, I just thought you'd actually be doing something productive and try to help me with my—What the hell did you just call me?"

"Hm, what? Oh, don't be embarrassed about it! I was just as romantically handicapped as you are when I was your age," said Jiraiya, privately thinking of another ex-student of his that was remarkably similar.

"Now shut up and run along now, while I do some good in this world with my new sequel, _Icha Icha Bondage_!" he proclaimed with a giddy chuckle.

"You basta-"

"Now, now, Naru-chan!" he admonished, waving a finger at him while his eyes inched back to his unfinished manuscripts scattered about. "Where would you find a suitable lady friend with that foul mouth of yours? Haven't you learned anything from my awesome tutelage? Aside from brushing up on our usual ninja skills and whatnot, the teaching that we prioritize above all else. . ."

Naruto's eyes widened.

". . .that has been passed down from sensei to student for generations. . ."

"What, what? Tell me, ero-sennin!" cried Naruto with child-like anticipation, clasping his hands under his chin.

". . .is how to find a suitable partner, of course!"

Naruto visibly deflated. "Urgh, that's all you talk about!" he grumbled. Then a thought hit him, and he smirked. Grinning slyly, he said in a casual voice, "But you wouldn't know anything about women now, would you?"

". . .and he tore her clothes from her body with wild passion. . .—What did you say?"

"You heard me."

Jiraiya snorted. "Oh, and you would. How, pray tell, can you claim to know more about women than your sensei?"

Chuckling quietly to himself, he casually leaned against a tree and continued, "You know what I mean. You spend every day trying to woo Tsunade baa-chan and all she gives you is a black eye and threatens to rip of your - you-know-what."

Jiraiya instinctively tightened his legs together and brought a hand to nonchalantly rest against his crotch, shuddering a little at the memory.

"And let's not forget all the times you were caught peeping at the bathhouse and all the girls beat you to a bloody pulp, with you crying out in regular intervals for your mommy."

Ignoring the fact that the vein on Jiraiya's forehead was almost pulsing to danger point, he continued, "They even filed for an arrest warrant." He nodded to the wanted posters tacked to the trees, each reading: **_WANTED: 50 000 ryo for this idiot pervert. Approach with caution._** It was accompanied with a picture of Jiraiya in a rather compromising position with a lamp post.

Figures.

"Wha-? When did those get there?" the sage asked, scratching his head.

"Not to mention the time when you-"

"Alright, I get it!" he pouted, resisting the urge to smack Naruto around the head for his nerve.

"But you have to give me some kind of credit, you know," he said indignantly. "I was the reason why your parents decided to get together."

"Oh?" Naruto asked skeptically.

"It's true. After I exhausted all my match-making skills on getting the two of them together, you can only imagine how hard it was to keep my ego in check," he laughed.

"It's really not that difficult, actually."

"What was that brat?"

"Nothing, nothing. . .so how exactly did you get the two of them together?"

"It all started when Minato was appointed to spend a few days at Whirlpool Country. He was asked to serve as Konoha's peace ambassador and I decided to come with him to offer him moral support and motivation." (A.K.A. To check out the local women.)

_Flashback: 15 years ago._

"Finally," Minato thought with barely concealed relief.

After traipsing through Fire Country and then spending a month travelling to Water Country, nobody could blame him for sighing in relief. It also didn't exactly help things that he was traveling with Konoha's number one pervert who kept getting both of them side-tracked by obscene amounts of alcohol and women as they passed through the many villages.

Why did he agree to this mission again?

"Whew, we're finally here, eh Minato?"

"Yeah. . .and it only took us, what, five months?" he replied with a long-suffering sigh while dragging his muddied sandals through the damp earth.

"Such insubordination. . ." Jiraiya sniffed. "None of the women we became acquainted with along the way your type, huh?"

"Nice try, ero-sensei. . ." he replied while studying the terrain.

Whirlpool Country was situated in an isolated island with lush vegetation and plentiful wildlife. It was a sight to behold and true to its name, small whirlpools could be found occasionally disturbing the surface of the otherwise calm waters.

"I'm not really interested in looking for a match right now, anyway. I mean, with the war going on. . . Let's just focus on getting this over and done with, hm?" Minato said in a subdued tone.

"Whatever you say, oh wise pupil," his sensei replied. But Jiraiya was not the sort of man who willingly gives up, no matter how stupid his goals may seem. And this time was no exception. Screw the war. At the end of this mission, he was going to find Minato a girlfriend or die trying.

As the two elite ninjas walked towards the entrance of their destination, five jounins intercepted them. Clearly, Whirlpool did not take too kindly to outsiders.

"Stop! What is your business here?" a burly man asked them, casting a wary eye on their Konoha headbands.

"I was assigned by our Hokage to extend our peace treaty to your village leader," Minato replied.

"You're the Konohagakure envoys? We were expecting you for. . .almost a month now."

"I apologize for the delay. My ero- er, sensei and I lost track of the days."

The Whirlpool ninja peered at them more closely from under hooded eyes and gave a barely noticeable undertake.

"Ah yes. . . I recognize both of you now," he murmured. "Forgive me. My name is Shiroi Takashi."

Giving a slight bow to Minato, he continued in an awed voice, "Minato Namikaze, the Yellow Flash. I heard stories about you. Stories on how you take out your enemies with a single technique, then you castrate them while scooping out their innards with a wooden spoon."

"Well, you should be relieved to know. . ."

Relief flooded the other ninja's face.

". . .that they're all true, Shiroi-san!" Minato continued quite cheerfully, enjoying how Shiroi's face turned pale.

"R—right." He gulped. "Uh. . .and of course!" he gave another slight bow.

"Jiraiya-sama," he said in a reverent voice. "One of the legendary sannin and toad sage. . ."

Jiraiya puffed up with pride, "Oho, I see my reputation precedes-"

". . .and pervert extraordinaire," Shiroi continued.

"-me," he finished lamely while Minato tried to hide a laugh.

"Anyway, allow me to escort you to our Namikage's tower. Please follow me," he said.

"Will do!" Jiraiya saluted enthusiastically, already thinking about all the gorgeous women this village had to offer.

Minato agreed with a more reserved affirmative before following the other ninjas towards the village gates. He pleased to see that they understood the importance of strengthening their village's defenses, judging by the large stone walls surrounding them and the various chuunin posting as look-outs atop the walls.

As they entered, their guide quickly steered them to the direction of the Namikage's tower. Minato could see that it was built similarly to their own Hokage tower, excluding the fact that they favored stone motifs and the color blue. A large whirlpool insignia was carved directly at the top of the entrance.

They followed their guide towards a flight of stairs and as they climbed up, Shiroi began briefing them on what to expect.

"Now, Namikage-sama is a patient man. But since we kind of have been expecting you for almost a month now. . ." he ended awkwardly while Minato gave Jiraiya a glare that had him grinning sheepishly.

"Although, he will be pleased to see that both of you made it here safely. But I have to warn you, he can be a bit of a handful."

"In what way?" asked Minato.

"Well, he's a bit loud at times. He's also kind of bossy and easily distracted by the opposite sex. . ." he trailed off.

"So, he's like, loud, bossy and more importantly, a pervert?" Jiraiya asked. "Cool."

"Uh, I wouldn't exactly put it like that. . ." coughed Shiroi delicately.

But they had already reached the top of the stairs, so Shiroi didn't care to elaborate.

"Here we are," he nodded to an extravagantly carved, wooden door to their left. "I'll leave you two here."

Jiraiya and Minato inclined their heads. "Thank you for leading us here, Shiroi-san."

With another slight bow, he disappeared in a burst of smoke.

Turning around to face Jiraiya, Minato realized he was already incessantly knocking at the door.

Rolling his eyes, he strolled up to him and said, "Hey, ero-sensei, where's all this enthusiasm coming from?"

"The faster we get this introduction done with the faster I can get you- ah, I mean me, a girlfriend."

"O-kay." Perturbed, Minato waited until they heard a booming voice say, "Come in, come in!" accompanied by a womanly purr saying "Oh, Namikage-sama, do I have to leave you right now?"

Exchanging looks, they both entered at the same time while the door clanged shut behind them with an ominous thud.

Their eyes roamed the rather opulent room, before settling on the Namikage who was sitting on a plush armchair behind a desk scattered with official-looking papers.

The man was not ordinary-looking by any stretch of the imagination. For one thing, he was wearing a rather eye-watering set of pink kage robes. He set the outfit off with a silver brooch shaped liked a whirlpool and a large, if slightly intimidating, smile. But then, it was hard to feel intimidated by a man who was a wardrobe disaster and who also gave off the stench of one who spent one too many years abusing alcohol. Minato had the feeling that given the chance, Jiraiya and the Namikage would get along exceptionally well.

Blinking blearily at them, he then said, "Ah, welcome! You must be the ninjas Konoha sent. Tell your old man Hokage thanks for arranging this thing."

"Uh, thank you for accepting this meeting, Namikage-sama," they both bowed.

"Now, now, there's no need for formalities!" he said jovially. "You can call me either Takeda or Takeda-san, whatever floats your boat. Pull up a chair and while you're at it, take care not to spend too much time ogling my hot secretary here!" he said cheekily.

Ignoring the fact that his sensei was already drooling over the rather busty blonde at the Namikage's side, Minato plowed on. "Takeda-san, I assume you already know the details of this peace treaty-"

"Yes, yes, I have already reviewed it with utmost care—"

'That's doubtful' Minato thought.

...-and I agree! Wholeheartedly!" he slurred. "Now let's put this thing behind us, as you Americans say."

Silence.

"We're Japanese," they chorused.

Opening a nonchalant, if bloodshot, eye, he regarded them coolly. "And your point is?"

"Right," Minato carefully said. "Anyway, me and my sensei are glad that you accepted this proposal so easily and I'm sure you-"

"Oji-san!" a loud, feminine voice suddenly cried out.

The door opened quite abruptly and a young woman walked into the room.

Minato immediately noticed that she had the longest, reddest hair he'd ever seen on a ninja; it easily reached down her waist. She had deep, blue-green eyes and a pale, if slightly tanned, complexion. She walked with an air of confidence about her, even though the Whirlpool jounin uniform she was wearing was tattered and splattered with mud in some places.

She was the most beautiful woman Minato had ever seen.

"Ah, Kushina-chan!" the Namikage boomed. "How was your mission? Not too difficult, I hope?"

"It was a piece of cake, actually. That enemy bastard never knew what hit him!" she said gleefully.

"Hm, violent and crude. My kind of woman," Minato thought dreamily.

"Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said, noticing the Konoha ninjas for the first time.

"Not at all. Kushina-chan, these are the ninjas from Konohagakure. You know, about that peace treaty thing?"

"Ah, yes. Better late than never, I see," she said with a raised eyebrow while Minato noticeably flushed and Jiraiya gave a great guffaw.

"Oh, I should probably introduce all of you then. Gentlemen, please meet my granddaughter, Kushina Uzumaki. And Kushina-chan, this is. . .er. . .?" he gestured helplessly at Minato.

Minato gulped, before reaching out his (sweaty) hand to grasp hers. "My name is Minato Namikaze, pl—pleased to make your acquaintance."

Kushina sincerely smiled at him before trying to discreetly wipe the sweat he so kindly left on her palm.

Embarrassed, he nevertheless continued in a slightly braver tone, "And this is my sensei, Jiraiya."

Kushina then looked away from him to acknowledge Jiraiya. "Pleased to meet y- ARE YOU STARING AT MY CHEST?"

Mentally groaning, Minato looked on as Jiraiya gave a guilty start. "Wha-? No! It's not what it looks like!" before being slapped on the face by Kushina that sent him toppling to the floor.

Amid the shrieks of "Perv!" and the pitiful sounds of choking courtesy of Kushina and Jiraiya respectively, Minato gave a pained grimace and thought, 'I can't believe ero-sensei actually had the balls to stare straight at her chest! Even though I have to admit she does have a nice chest. . .possibly a B-cup- BadThoughts!'

Minato then heard the loud chuckling made by the Namikage, who was seemingly unconcerned that possible bloodshed would occur at any moment.

Nevertheless, Jiraiya had already escaped Kushina's violent wrath and was now currently trembling at the opposite side of the wall.

Clapping his hands, the Namikage proclaimed quite cheerfully, "Excellent! Now that you've all been introduced, I suggest you go and enjoy the sights and sounds of my village. Kushina-chan, be a dear and show our guests the way to the apartment they'll be staying, will you?"

Shooting both of them a venomous look, she cried heatedly, "Oji-san, please tell me your joking!"

"Now don't take that tone with me, young lady," he reprimanded. "Don't mind her, I'm sure she wants nothing more than to help you find your sleeping quarters," he said while pointedly ignoring her grumble of wanting to chew her arm more.

"Well, off you go! Me and my secretary still have some, ah, unfinished business to do."

Casting all of them one last glowering look, Kushina proceeded to stomp away towards the door. Jiraiya and Minato hastened to follow her, though after making sure a safe amount of distance was between them.

As they were closing the door, the Namikage could be heard saying to his secretary, "That went exceptionally well, don't you think?"

The three of them walked through the bustling streets where ninjas and civilians alike were either eating at the many restaurants or haggling with irate stall owners over their merchandise. Minato hardly spared a glance at any of the sights surrounding him, more intent on giving the man he called his sensei a piece of his mind.

Making sure Kushina couldn't hear them, Minato gave his Jiraiya a pointed look before saying, "Unbelievable. You haven't even met her for five minutes and she already knows you're a pervert like no other."

"How was I to know she'd notice me that quickly? Women really are irrationally sensitive creatures," he scoffed. "Anyway, I prefer that blonde secretary over her temper any day." But the longing and the way his eyes twitched begged to differ. "What about you? Saw anything you liked? I could swear I saw that secretary eyeing you. . . Jiraiya trailed off. "Nah, most likely it was me."

'It had better be you,' thought Minato. A raunchy secretary twice his age who took to wearing excessive amounts of makeup did not exactly add up to 'attractive' in his book.

As they neared the edge of the village, they came upon a large apartment painted a faded red. Even though it looked to be several decades old, it managed to retain a homey quality about it.

"We're here," Kushina said. It looked like the long walk had calmed her temper somewhat, but she still had that pissed-off look in her face.

They then entered a door where it took them directly to a pristine hallway filled with tasteful wooden decor. As they ascended a short flight of stairs, they came across another hallway, where its only difference with the previous one was that it had six doors.

She then proceeded to open the second door on the right, indicating that this was where he and Jiraiya would sleep.

More to prove to her that not all men wanted to get into her pants, Minato then said, "Thank you for accompanying us, Kushina-san," then gave her a slight bow. Kushina gave him a small smile before giving a curt nod to Jiraiya and then heading off into the opposite direction.

Then suddenly, "Kushina-chan! Wait!"

Oh no. His sensei really did have a death wish.


	2. Getting To Know You

**Whipped**

**Chapter Two: Getting to Know You**

Kushina hesitated, clearly torn between wanting to listen to what he had to say and getting the hell out of there. Reluctantly, she opted for the former, though wisely situating herself a good distance away. "What is it?" she asked warily, already half-regretting her decision.

Jiraiya leaned against the wall to show her he meant no harm. "I truly apologize for my behavior earlier. My mind and sense of propriety were muddled by the long, hard months me and Minato endured while traveling, as I'm sure you understand."

Minato tactfully decided not to mention that his sensei's mind and so-called 'sense of propriety' were practically non-existent when it came to anything with breasts. Anything to get back into Kushina's good graces.

Kushina visibly softened, though she still was noticeably cautious around the man. And rightfully so. "I guess so. Okay, I'll let it go this time. But you better not do it again!" she warned.

Jiraiya saluted. "I swear upon Minato's life. And mine," he added as an afterthought after Minato shot him a glare.

Kushina nodded, then turned to leave, when she was interrupted by Jiraiya once again.

"But to make it up to you, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to accompany the two of us to see all the sights and sounds of you lovely village tomorrow."

Kushina paused, then said, "I can do that. It's part of the peace treaty anyway. When would you two like to meet?"

Jiraiya gave Minato a subtle elbow to the ribs, to which he stammered, "Um, around nine o'clock in the morning would be fine."

Kushina then gave him a sweet grin that made his insides do some truly funny things. "Nine o'clock it is then. I'll see you guys tomorrow," she said with a friendly wave and proceeded to turn around to walk back down the flight of stairs.

Minato stared after her in wonder, wondering where an exquisite creature like her had been all his life.

He only came back to the present when he felt Jiraiya dragging him to their room and closing the door. He spun around to meet Minato's gaze, a barely suppressed smirk of triumph on his face. He poked Minato on the chest. "Oho, you have got it bad, my boy."

Minato stared back at him incredulously. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play coy. You like that girl."

Minato sighed, exasperated. "Must you always see the sexual in everything?"

"It's what I do, my boy. It's what I do."

"I just think she's pretty, that's all." And funny. And sweet. And so drop-dead gorgeous that he it was all he could do to respond coherently when those piercing eyes were fixed on his own and - ohdeargod, what was happening to him?

Jiraiya smirked as he flopped down on the bigger of the two beds, making it creak dangerously. "Right. Whatever you say, Mina-chan."

Minato shrugged and proceeded to get ready for bed himself. He knew from past experiences that his sensei could not be deterred when he was disillusioned like this. He didn't _like_ Kushina, not in that sense anyway. There was too much going on in his life right now to focus on such frivolities. There were the reports of a brewing war, the academy-fresh genin he had to teach when he finally went back to Konoha, his electricity bill, and various other concerns. Sure, she was gorgeous, but so were a lot of other girls back home. Even if he wanted to start something with her, which he _didn't_, he couldn't see how it would be possible, seeing as they might as well be living at opposite ends of the Earth. He wouldn't be silly enough to fall for her, was he?

Unbeknownst to Minato that while he was ruminating on his love life, or the lack thereof, his sensei's thoughts were on the same page, albeit in a different, and more enthusiastic, manner. 'This is my chance! I'll make a man out of Minato yet. Now, all I have to do for tomorrow is…' On and on he went, until he finally fell asleep with a pleased smile on his face.

Later that morning, precisely at nine o'clock, they arrived at the village square where Kushina was already waiting for them. Minato almost did a double-take when he saw her. She was wearing a simple white dress that complimented her slender figure with all its subtle curves nicely. She had her hair up in a slightly messy bun and it was all Minato could do not to stare at her so openly, lest he freak her out. He had never thought of her as the dress wearing type, but he wasn't about to complain. He glanced over at Jiraiya, to see that he was equally smitten. Minato hoped to god he wouldn't say anything inappropriate, but maybe that was too much to ask so early in the morning.

She waved, then proceeded to walk alongside them. "Where would you two like to start? Anything in particular you want to see?"

"Everything!" Minato replied enthusiastically. Maybe a bit too enthusiastically, seeing as she stared at him with a slightly startled expression, which then switched to a more genuine, and if he was interpreting it correctly, devilish smile. "You got it! I know this place like the back of my hand. I'll give you a tour you'll never forget!"

Boy, did she ever. She took them to their enormous libraries and museums, to beautiful parks and stunning beaches, were they passed the time flying kites and just walking along admiring the shore, where the sand was as white and the water as blue as they could be. Aside from a slight incident wherein Jiraiya was beaten to nearly an inch of his life for drooling over and caressing the backs of a goup of sunbathing women, the day was idyllic. Beautiful. Just like her. Minato gave himself a little shake. Now, where did that thought come from? The sun was probably getting to him. He suggested the three of them go back to the village square to browse through some shops he saw there, since there was still a little light left before twilight came. Kushina readily agreed, while Jiraiya just grunted an affirmative, still probably a little peeved that those women took his advances the wrong way.

After about an hour of going through all the shops that caught his eye and buying a few interesting knick-knacks for his friends back home, he found himself admiring some exotic flowers that a man was enthusiastically hawking to a small crowd. Now, Minato was not the flower-admiring type, as he often thought them to be one and the same. But he made an exception for these flowers. They were in every imaginable color, from the brightest of reds and blues to the most subtle of pinks and purples. They had a magnificent and unusual sort of bell-shape, and their scent was almost hypnotizing. He found his eyes drawn to the red ones in particular, because they had an almost uncanny resemblance to the shade of Kushina's hair. The small buds that surrounded them could almost pass for the same blue-green shade as Kushina's eyes, but not quite.

He was about to turn away, but unfortunately at that same moment the seller saw his interest and proceeded to throw a friendly arm around his shoulders. "Ah, here's a young man who appreciates the finer things in life! What would you like to purchase, my good sir? The red ones with the blue buds I saw you admiring are my bestsellers."

Minato tried to politely edge away from the man's grip and sales pitch. "Oh, I don't really—"

"No?" the man asked, visibly put out. Then he saw Kushina near Minato's side and then brightened once more. "But you must! How else will you show this beautiful girl how much you care for her?"

"We're not together," Kushina said hastily.

"No matter, a pretty girl like you still deserves some pretty flowers."

The man had a point. But before Minato could think of saying anything, he felt Jiraiya clap him on the back and whisper, "Go on, Minato. Buy her the flowers already. It's the least we can do after all she did for us today."

He also had a point. So Minato decided to indulge the inner gentleman in him, and went to buy the flowers. The word he said when he found out how much they cost were not very gentlemanly, but no matter. They were for a good cause.

He shyly went up to Kushina to offer her the flowers, and she regarded him with a cautious, if almost embarrassed, hesitation. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"I know," he said. "But I wanted to. To express me and my sensei's thank you for showing us around," he amended hastily, when Kushina gave him a strange look when he said he wanted to.

"Well, thank you, both of you," she smiled a tiny smile as she inhaled the flowers' scent.

"It was no trouble at all, fair Kushina," Jiraiya said easily, probably forgetting who actually paid for the flowers.

Minato felt the need to justify his actions, to make sure his intentions weren't misunderstood in any way. "I just saw them, and they reminded me of your hair and eyes. Not that I always think of your hair. Or your eyes." He winced. "I mean—"

"Minato?" Kushina interrupted.

"Um, yes?"

"Shut up. I love the flowers."

"Oh. That's good," he coughed embarrassedly while at his side, Jiraiya tried to hold back a laugh. Yep, everything was going according to plan.

As they were walking back to their apartment, they chanced upon the most delectable of smells coming out of a small, inviting restaurant just a few blocks from where they were going home. When Minato's stomach gave a loud rumble, he discreetly clutched it and hoped to god Kushina didn't hear that. No such luck.

"Oh, you must be starving!" she said contritely with a small laugh, and if the situation wasn't so mortifying, Minato would have laughed with her, because she had the most pleasant laugh he'd ever heard.

As they decided to go inside to have dinner, Jiraiya offered him a wink and said, "Good job, Minato."

"Huh?" Minato asked blankly. He had no idea what his sensei was going on about, but he didn't really want to know. He had enough on his mind tonight.

As the hostess sat them on a small table in the middle of the cozy setting, Kushina proudly said, "Give us everything you've got, Kaina-san. I want our guests to experience real Whirlpool culture, starting with your delicious appetizers all the way to your renowned desserts."

Kaina-san favored her with a wink. "You got it, sweetheart."

As she left, Kushina beamed at them all.

"What exactly does the real Whirlpool culture entail?" Minato asked curiously.

"You'll see," Kushina said.

When the courses started coming out, Minato really did start to see. 'Man, these people don't do anything half-assed," he thought.

There were soups, vegetables and meat of all sorts and in all manners of preparation that blew Minato's mind. They each had strong and subtle flavors that complimented each other beautifully. At the end of tasting them all, Minato wanted to kiss the chef. Or Kushina, since she was the one who opened his eyes to what he was missing.

Minato was nearly full, as was Jiraiya, seeing as the man was nearly falling asleep at the table. But he could see Kushina was still going strong and excitedly waiting for the main dish. Minato tried to share her enthusiasm, but it was kind of hard, seeing as he could barely breathe on account of all the delicious food he had been shoveling into his mouth with wild abandon. And they haven't even started dessert yet!

When he saw the hostess and two other waiters carrying their main dish, his jaw dropped. It was quite possibly the biggest fish he'd ever seen served on a platter. It was nearly the length of his whole arm, and alarmingly plump. It looked like it decided to swallow its brethren before being cooked. It had all the colors of the rainbow, and its head was oddly misshapen. It was also the ugliest fish Minato had ever seen.

"This," Kushina said with great pride, "is our national dish, the Kouranka fish. I swear, Minato, you haven't lived until you tasted this."

Minato thought he could, seeing as he'd survived just fine all these years. He was about to pass, when Jiraiya, having already eaten a large mouthful, passionately exclaimed, "Oh my god. This is the best fish I've ever had!"

"I know!" Kushina said gleefully, already digging into her second portion.

Minato hesitated, then decided what the hell. He only had one life to live, after all. As he prepared to cut himself a small bite, he noticed the fish's one, large eye staring back at him, almost accusingly. He quietly shuddered. While he was engaged with staring down the fish, he didn't notice that Jiraiya had discreetly coughed back his own piece of fish onto his napkin with a small grimace.

Minato took the portion into his mouth, chewed contemplatively, and then swallowed. It didn't taste as bad as it looked, he decided. It was actually quite pleasant. He could detect subtle hints of lemongrass, saffron and a variety of other spices. He also detected a mild numbness in his lips, followed almost instantaneously by an insane burning in his throat and mouth.

Now, he tried, Minato honestly tried to pull it together. He was strong, arguably one of the strongest in all of the five nations. But if there was one thing Minato couldn't brave, it was anything remotely spicy. Even the mildest of peppers would send him into a frenzy, wanting nothing more than to escape its fiery hell. What Kushina failed to mention that though the Kouranka fish was indeed Whirlpool's national dish, the way they traditionally prepared it was for it to be stewed in the hottest peppers known to man for hours, before it was deemed acceptable, and woe betide any sorry souls not accustomed to its spiciness. So really, it was too much to ask for Minato to hold it together.

He leapt up from their table, giving off a muffled half-shriek, half-sob with tears streaming out of his eyes. His whole face turning an alarming red, he blindly reached out for anything resembling a glass on their table to put him out of his misery. As his fingers touched his own glass, indeed, the only glass there that still contained any water, he inadvertently knocked it to the ground. He gave a howl of despair, with Kushina and Jiraiya just staring at him from their seats, too stunned to do anything to help. This was the first time they saw the Yellow Flash being anything other than perfect.

Nearly mad with the pain, his eyes zeroed in on the vase containing some roses on a shelf at the back of Kushina's head. He grabbed for it, paying no mind to Kushina's cry of surprise when a large amount of water splashed her, and proceeded to quench the inferno in his mouth.

After a little while, Minato finally deemed it safe to look up. Both Jiraiya and Kushina were staring at him, dumbstruck. Then, a small snort escaped Kushina. Finally, she burst out in uncontrollable giggles and Jiraiya joined in with his own hearty guffaws.

Minato gave them both exasperated looks. "Honestly, that's all you have to say? After you nearly killed me?"

Kushina, struggling with the case of the hiccups, looked up at him and grinned, her eyes dancing with merry mischief. "Well, I did tell you you haven't lived unless you've tasted it, right?" She exploded into another fit of giggles.

Minato sighed, trying, and failing, to hide his own amusement. He looked over at Jiraiya and saw that he seemed unusually smug about something.

Kushina seemed to take control of herself and said, "There's a special drink the kitchen hands can make that'll help with the burning." She held out her hand. "Come with me?"

Minato smiled and took her hand.

When they came back from the kitchen a few minutes later, they discovered that Jiraiya had ditched them with the huge bill.

"That son of a bitch!" Kushina seethed. "We were supposed to split the tab!"

"It's no problem," Minato said.

"Why the hell is it no proble—Oh." Kushina looked shocked at first, then gave him an admiring look.

Minato triumphantly waved his sensei's wallet full of cold, hard cash that he filched before they entered the restaurant. He anticipated that Jiraiya would do something like this, since he left Minato with the bill one too many times in the past. People didn't call him a genius for nothing.

They soon exited the restaurant and strolled down the street in companionable banter about the events of the day. When they finally reached the apartment, they stood there in awkward silence for a few seconds, Kushina tightly clutching the flowers Minato had given her.

"Well," Kushina smiled, "that was fun."

Not exactly the word Minato would have used to sum up the evening, 'horrifying' and 'disastrous' being the top choices. But he supposed it would have to do. Even though he nearly died a painful death by way of pepper, he had truly enjoyed the day with Kushina. Anyway, if she enjoyed it, who was he to argue? He was only glad she didn't think the day had been a total bore.

On impulse, Minato leaned in to press a kiss to her soft cheek, quickly averting his eyes as he stepped away. He could feel Kushina staring at him with surprise, and he couldn't blame her. He was a little surprised at himself too. Perhaps the heat of the peppers had given him permanent brain damage.

"Thank you for showing us around. And for dinner."

"N-no problem," Kushina stammered, blushing.

As Minato went inside the apartment and hurriedly climbed the stairs, he couldn't stop thinking about his little act of bravery in giving Kushina a kiss, even if it was only on the cheek. He hoped she wouldn't read too much into it and discover that Minato _like-liked_ her, because he wouldn't be able to live it down if she decided to let him down gently.

Minato had no idea that as he agonized over all these imaginary worries, Kushina was still standing near the apartment, touching a cold hand to the cheek where he kissed her and smiling a soft, bewildered smile.

A/N: Sorry this took such a long time. *Hangs head in shame.*


End file.
